Why Good Elders Are So Hard To Find

In my religious herd, the churches of Christ, we frequently proclaim that we are “elder led churches”.  A misunderstanding of what this means for the last 70 years has led to ineffectiveness in many elderships.  Many churches seem to have abandoned a biblical model of leadership and adopted a business model instead.  This appears to have occurred primarily because churches took on massive debt (buildings usually) and needed to finance and manage these newly acquired assets.  For many churches, this leadership model became micromanagement; meaning every decision made about anything or anyone related to the church has to be approved by the eldership.  In some cases, the authority to make a decision has to be bestowed by the elders upon and individual or group of individuals with veto power reserved for the elders.  The “M’s” of the church (Ministers, Millennials and the Marginalized) are rapidly rejecting this power based leadership model and either abandoning their faith or finding a church with a different (and healthier) leadership model. 
How can an eldership change?  IF it’s possible, here are four suggestions:

1.)    Forget the name “overseer” (and all this name may imply) for a minute and go back and really seek to understand from scripture what the role of an elder is.  Too many elders believe they will have to “one day give an account to God for every ______________ (dollar, person, carpet color, sermon preached, small group discussion, toilet paper brand, or whatever) entrusted to this church.”  This is a lie.  Stop believing it.

2.)    Stop leading in fear.  When the church became a business (which is what occurred when churches started taking on massive debt and needed income to pay the bills), the leadership model became RISK MANAGEMENT and/or LOSS PREVENTION.  Fear of loss – however that is defined in a particular group – becomes the main force behind decisions.  God promised to destroy fear – shepherds of His church cannot lead by fear.

3.)    Get rid of the corrupt elder.  Almost every struggling eldership I have worked with has one or more elders who have been questioned or challenged by members for their practices or behaviors.  Frequently, the accusations deal with unjust leadership (lording over the church) or deception (lying, deceiving, and misleading others).  This elder maintains his role because he frequently wields the most power of persuasion.  Other elders are afraid to stand up to this man because of the fear-based leadership model discussed above.  Elders and elderships lose credibility, especially among ministers and young families, more rapidly through this behavior than any other means.  Stand up to the wolves among you, they are devouring your flock – this is your biblical charge.

4.)    Mentor others.  Every elder should be able to answer this question without hesitation: who (specifically, by name) are you mentoring right now?  If you can’t answer this question, you have a problem.

The Poor are (mostly) just lazy, right?! A 5 Step Guide to Talking About the Poor

A common belief among many middle-class Christian American's is that those who are poor remain poor because they won't work to "improve themselves" (read "they're lazy).  I have heard popular financial radio hosts and politicians often say things similar to, "there is no reason someone should be poor in America unless they have a mental illness or an addiction."  In full disclosure, I believed this for quite a while.  Not anymore...

Here is my simple 5 Step Guide everyone should follow before the speak, Facebook, tweet or write another word about poverty in America. 

1.)  Do not use your car for ANY reason for 2 weeks - not for an emergency, not to get to work, not to take the kids to school, not for any reason.  Use Public Transportation or have a friend drive you instead - good luck figuring out the bus schedule! (Most poor people don't have reliable transportation, so getting around is a challenge.)

2.)  For one week, do not eat breakfast or lunch if you have to pay for it.  If there are so many "free" meals available for poor people, this should be easy right?  Not paying for it includes ANY food in your house that you or a family member spent money on.

3.)  Work at a place that feeds or gives resources to the homeless/poor every night for one week.  Remember, it "should be easy" for poor people, so clearing our your schedule should be no big deal, right?  And, make sure you talk to non-volunteers while you're there.

4.)  Only spend $120 for one week on EVERYTHING.  This would include fuel, food, entertainment, supplies for work or school...EVERYTHING!  (How this number was chosen: individuals of low income status have about $400 per week to live on - this includes living expenses.  Assuming you would spend about $280 for rent and utilities (which is probably low), you're left with $120.  source)  

5.)  Don't use your cell phone for two weeks.  People always complain about poor people having cell phones, so give it a try.  Remember, it's "easy" to live without these things, right?

After you've done all five you are qualified (in my mind at least) to talk about breaking the cycle of poverty in America.  Hopefully, we can stop seeing people as "the poor" (a problem to fix) and instead, start seeing them as people.  Once we've spent a little time dealing with (some) of the same challenges other people deal with, we might have a different perspective.  If you don't try all 5, at least try one or two - it's eye opening.

The Future I See for the Churches of Christ ( and then it changed...)

The last few days I have watched on posts in one Facebook group as individuals have attacked each other back and forth, relentlessly defending their understanding of scripture as the only correct possibility.  In another Facebook group of leaders and ministers, also specific to my religious tribe the Churches of Christ, I have observed discussions about blocking other members so as to not listen to their erroneous statements.  I have observed as friends have become more incensed with each other over blog articles and book reviews.  I have even participated in a few of these discussions. 

Last night I wrote down some thoughts to write about where I believe my tribe, the Churches of Christ are headed.  Spurred by a friend’s article about why ministers are leaving the church (which I think he nailed, by the way), I had thoughts of how we can work to correct this trend.  What us as young leaders in the church could do to work with older leaders.  A discussion of how we eat are own at an alarming rate.  It might have been very helpful…it might have been useless.  Maybe it will be written someday.  I was very excited to dive into the issue this morning.

Then it happened.

I logged onto Facebook and saw these words:

“I've been proud of (her) for more than 25 years now, but never more so than yesterday.”

Curious I clicked to see what had occurred that brought out these words from someone I respect.  And there it was, the words that hit me this morning:

“She was place in my care 6/7/13 and stole my heart instantly. She was nicknamed "sweet pea" by my parents and loved by so many people. She had ongoing medical needs and was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive, and fatal heart condition 11/1/13 and was taken off life support on 11/5/13. I want to share the joy that she brought me the five months I was blessed to be her "mama".”

My own memories of our Cadee and the church in Trenton, MI overwhelmed me.  I could not even look at all the pictures or read all the posts on my friends wall, my emotions were so flooded.  

Here was the answer. 

Here was the God-story popping up again. 

When will we learn to view everyone God has placed in our lives as people He has placed in our care?  When will we learn that everyone, yes everyone, has ongoing needs?  When will we understand what it means to live as brothers and sisters and consider it joy that God has brought us together?  

Yes, relationships hurt. 

Yes, trusting means we will be let down.

Jesus died on the cross, not for you and me, but for the church!!  Read Ephesians 5 if you don’t believe me. 

Elders and leaders, can you shift the waves of pressure to ensure “safety” to lead your people into dangerous discipleship?

Young leaders, can you see the blessing of getting to work with people who may be dying in their dogma, but have no idea?  You may be the one to breathe life into them.

What will it take church?  When will we stop seeing people as objects to use or obstructions to our agenda and instead see people as people?

I plead with my tribe today, hear the words of Jesus, the words my friend posted yesterday as her daughter left this world:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

EQ and the Bible

Two weeks ago I was in Utah for a Parenting Seminar.  I was teaching on Emotional Intelligence, how to apply it and what the Bible says about EQ.  There are three main ideas with EQ: Know Yourself, Choose Yourself and Give Yourself.  Here is the video from it:

Beyond Sunday...

The message was challenging, the worship was inspiring and spending time with friends was encouraging.  You loaded your family up in the car and headed home with the best intentions about living out your faith during the week.  But, between Sunday morning and Saturday night, life happened.  You know “life” – the business of work, travel, friends and children (and all of the commitments to school, sports practices, music, dance, scouts and everything else…).  These and whatever else we try to cram into our weeks seemed to crowd out the hopes we had for doing Kingdom work during the week.  We roll back into our church gatherings on Sunday, wondering what happened.  And then, the cycle repeats itself – over and over and over.  I’m not sure there is any one way to break this cycle, but I have found a reality in my weeks that has helped me to address this.  During the week, most of us have moments each day where we are transitioning from one task to the next and we have the question, “Ok, what’s next?” go through our heads.  This question that flashes through our mind can become the catalyst to living our faith beyond Sunday.  Here’s what I mean – take this moment and use it and the next 45 seconds to re-center and re-focus your day.  Here are four questions you can ask yourself in this moment (or any moment) that can help move your faith beyond Sundays:

1.)  Who am I in the Lord?  The essence of this question is to remember that you belong to the King and you are here, on earth, to help build His kingdom.  You are chosen for today, for this moment, so make choices like you know it.  Don’t fall victim to Satan’s lies, telling you you’re not good enough or that you don’t matter.  You belong to God through His son Christ.

2.)  What is God calling me to do/be?  Have you ever considered why do you live where you live or work where you work?  Why was your son or daughter placed on that team or given that teacher?  What message did you hear recently that you knew was speaking to you?  Remember, your life is filled with purpose – living God’s purpose, so know the answer to this question.

3.)  What gifting/resources has God given me to fulfill His calling?  We are gifted and talented far beyond what we know.  God has given us everything we need to accomplish His calling in our lives.  Take a moment and recognize the equipping you received.  This will help us be bold in answering the last question…

4.)  What is the next step for me right now?  What is the next decision, choice or “thing” I need to do – right now, in this moment?  Do I need to change my focus or my priorities for today?  How can I better align myself with what God has called me to do?  Asking the first three questions can help us to better answer the question we are already asking ourselves: what’s next?

Four questions.  45 seconds.  How different would our weeks be if we took the time to ask these questions throughout our week?  Together, let’s move from good intentions to faithful living beyond Sunday.

Fat Tuesday Living

Fat Tuesday.

Indulge in life.  Do, eat or say anything you want and only feel guilty for one day.

Tomorrow, we’ll have to get serious about God and give worldly “things” up.  It will be cleansing, right?

I wonder today, if I have engaged in a lifetime of Fat Tuesday living?  Has my faith really changed the way I think, see and speak everyday; or only on the days I want to feel godly?  Or, have I set up boxes in my life that allow me to seek out for myself whatever my selfish heart desires at times; then magically jump into another box that allows me to present a self-sacrificing, holy living person?  Have I bought the lie that a little faith sprinkled here and there in my life is really all that Jesus expected of those who bear His name?

The Fat Tuesday life.  It’s not working for me…

Time for repentance – and not just for 40 days.

Time for change – not until the resurrection celebration, but because of the resurrection.

Anyone else need to give up the Fat Tuesday life?

Hurt

It was one of those comments that was just so out of place and hard to believe, I really didn’t even know how to react to it. I wasn’t mad or upset. I was just stunned. Standing in the isle at our daughter Cadee’s funeral, a well-meaning person came up to us, put his arms around our necks and said, “I just want you guys to know…you are so lucky. You got to have three months with your daughter…” Now before you think this person was completely out of touch, I must tell you, this was not the worst comment we heard. Our daughter Cadee was born into the middle of a mess. For her whole, short life, she was the hope that kept life going. On November 30th, 2006 she went to sleep for a nap and never woke up. I still don’t have the words to describe the hurt that I felt from that. In reality, the entire fall of 2006 was filled with hurt after hurt. In that context, you can imagine it was difficult to know how to respond to the person who came up to us and said, “I really know how much this hurts. We had a dog die recently and he was like a member of our family and I just know how much this hurts.” Honestly, my first response in my head was, “Wow! I mean, WOW! I don’t really know whether to cry, or laugh or scream.” Just so you know, I decided to laugh… not right at that moment, but in the car on the way from the church to the cemetery…we had a good (and much needed) laugh.

I have a friend who works in ministry in Indiana and last summer one of the students in his youth group was killed in a car accident. I remember talking with him on the phone after this happened and he made an interesting comment to me. He told me he was hurting, but then quickly said that he felt bad about hurting and that he needed to be strong for everyone else. He felt bad because he thought it wasn’t right for him to be hurting so much, when, in his mind, the family was the one that was really hurting. I realized something in that moment as I talked with him – there is no measure or scale for hurt. When you hurt…you hurt. If something you are experiencing is the worst hurt you’ve ever known, then it hurts more than anything you can imagine. For my friend, this was a deep hurt and it needed some attention. While his hurt was different from the hurt the kid’s parents were feeling… it was still real hurt and no less valid. And for the person whose dog had died recently, that hurt them and they wanted us to know they were hurting with us. The man who told us we were lucky was really saying that he was hurting, and some how the death of our daughter reminded him of his own hurts from the past.

Hurt has to be one of the toughest emotions for us to deal with as humans. It is hard for us to know what to say to hurting people. Our desire is to say something helpful, or do something that will help bring healing, but knowing what that is so difficult. On the other hand, experiencing hurt can often disrupt our whole life and leave us questioning so many things. If we are a person of faith, often our hurts cause us to question some of our core beliefs. It may seem like an obvious statement, but hurt hurts.

It seems to me that Jesus had a soft spot in his heart for hurting people. Throughout his recorded life, he always seemed to find those who had been hurt and bring some form of healing to their life. Jesus often violated cultural norms when he was healing people. In the cases of Jesus’ physical healing, he often was ministering to the outcasts of society. The woman with bleeding who touch his clothes was unclean according to society. The man born blind was under the suspicion of sin (either him or his parents). Lepers, lame, sick… even the dead were healed by Jesus. But Jesus also offered healing in many different ways. To Zacchaeus, he acknowledged that, not only was he someone worthy of sharing a meal with, he was also someone worth saving. To the Samaritan woman at the well, Jesus acknowledged that her past was filled with hurt, but offered her healing. Interesting that this Samaritan woman, who had been a complete outcast, was able to convince many people of her town came to believe in Jesus because of her!! (John 4:39) I wonder what the witness of a church would be if they could somehow find a way to offer healing to hurting people. How many communities might be positively affected if a church could find a way to really offer Jesus’ healing to hurting people!!

The challenge for the church is that when we are ministering to hurting people, we sometimes hurt to. When we see hurting people and when we reach out to hurting people, sometimes the scares from our past begin to sting a little again. Sometimes our open wounds are exposed and we realize that we still stand in need of healing. Hopefully we are reminded that we need each other and we are in continual need of God’s healing. Unfortunately, it seems so often in the church, we try to cover up our hurts and hide the broken people. I wonder how many times someone has been around a group of “church” people and thought they were the only one with any problems. My prayer for the church is that we may become a community of healing, a place where hurting people come and find they are not alone.

May our heart for hurting people beat in tune with the heart of God.