ReThinking Trust

I must have heard it a thousand times growing up, “Shawn, it takes a lifetime to build trust and only a moment to break it…” This statement was usually found in the context of a lecture from my parents. I had a problem with honesty growing up and time after time, my parents tried to help my master my lying tongue. It’s very likely that you too have heard this concept explained…in fact I rarely talk about trust with someone when the idea of “earning trust” doesn’t come up. Apparently, it is a fairly universally accepted idea that trust is something you have to earn…the world seems to suggest there is no other way. Google the phrase “how to earn trust” and you will return more the 57 million matches. One of my favorite movie scenes is from Meet with Parents when Jack (played by Robert DeNiro) explains to soon to be son-in-law Greg (played by Ben Stiller) about his “circle of trust”. The scene is hilarious, not only because it is well acted, but more so because it’s something we all relate to. We have to earn the trust of our parents, earn the trust of our children, earn the trust of our boss, earn the trust of co-workers, earn the trust of teachers… and the list goes on and on and on… To be honest, earning and then KEEPING peoples trust is an exhausting process. And as my mother articulated when I was young, one mistake…JUST ONE MOMENT OF ERROR…and trust is gone.

If you understand nothing else, please understand this. When we hold our trust from people, for any reason, we are participating in evil and perpetuating the spirit of performance. In short, we are telling people that if they are not good enough, or don’t do everything perfect…we will not trust them. This concept is an absolute lie, with no truth in it!

What does Biblical Trust look like. Consider Luke 15:11-32

The Parable of the Lost Son

Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father.
But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.
But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.
Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'

Follow the flow of trust in this parable. First, the father trust his youngest son enough to give him half of his estate…while he was still alive. This act was socially and culturally unacceptable. In fact, it would have been an insult to the father that the younger son even had the audacity to make this request. Nevertheless, the father trusted his son, even with the insult. Then the son takes his father’s trust and money and runs for a foreign country where he promptly spends every last penny. Considering the fact that the father estate had servant, we can assume the father had a fairly large estate. As such, the son likely wasted a large amount of money. Needless to say, the son clearly broke the trust his father had given him. When the son finely came to his senses and began his journey toward home, even he knew his father had no reason to trust him. Were this scenario playing out in modern times, the consensus thinking would be that the father should not trust his son with anything. Furthermore, some would suggest that the only way the son could earn his father’s trust back would be through repayment of the money wasted. Still others would offer the idea that the son could never be trusted again. Contrast this to the father’s actually reaction. The father was eagerly waiting for his son’s return. Upon seeing him, he ran to him and embraced him. He ignored the son’s words about his own worthiness and instead placed a robe around him and a ring on his finger. Immediately and without any hesitation, the father restored the son to his status as son, and in so doing, he gave the son access to his estate and also gave him half of the estate he had left!! Imagine the response of his neighbors and friends. They would have considered him foolish!! So would we!!

So, what do we learn from this parable?? This simple, but life-changing truth: Trust is given, not earned. Nothing the son could do would earn him the trust of the father. The father (God personified in this story) chose to give his trust to his failing son. He trusted the one who had insulted, failed and humiliated him. He trusted even when it was likely the son would betray him again. This is Biblical Trust.

How many times have we talked about how we can never trust someone because of their betrayal? How many times have we given up on ever trusting anyone because of some past hurt or pain in our life? How many times have we failed to trust someone because we fear they will betray us again? How many times have we turned away from God because we figured he wouldn’t trust screw ups like us anyway? The answer to all these questions is: too many times. The spirit of performance lives in our decisions to not trust. It lives in our desire to make others earn our trust. And, the spirit of performance always leads to death. Death in our relationships, death in our families and death of our lives as God intends them.

Consider what it means trust, Biblically. To trust as God does and as He intends. Be prepared to stretch and grow through this difficult concept. Our instinctive response is to resist this idea. We want to preserve and protect ourselves, and this idea of giving trust seems to be in direct opposition to that. Yet, this Biblical trust is what called has called us to and it is